Wednesday, August 05, 2009
"If there were no words, no way to speak i would still hear u. There were no tears, no way to feel inside i'd still feel for you. And even if the sun refuse to shine even if romance ran out of rhyme you would still have my heart till the end of time. You are all I need, my love my dearest wife. All of my life, I have been waiting for all you give to me.You have opened my eyes and shown me how to love unselfish. I've dreamed of this a thousand times before. In my dreams I couldn't love you more..."It was such a sweet surprise when I open my eyes and was greeted by this message from him...
Before I can thank him... ... ...
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I can only do it here. In my private space.
My tears come and go as fast as lightning.
I don't know is it that we love too much or too deep.
I can only say, we cared too much.
I only know I feel like crying all the time. I don't know how to control myself anymore.
These few days have been another battle for us... 2 long flights overlapped our rosters...
I've never miss him more.
My heart beats for him.
My soul yearns for him.
Sometimes I just wish we are in our world of our own, away from the troubles.
Living a simple life with just him and our future babies.
And sometimes I do admire the farmers family or people living in the community rural areas.
They are the ones whom we should learn from when it comes to family education.
Anyways...
He will never understand how much I love and care for him.
All he see in me is just that I don't trust or appreciate whatever things he does for me.
I secretly teared in my room.
Daggers strike in my heart.
The most painful experience is not what you can feel on your physical body but your emotions.
Nothing hurts more than a bleeding heart.
During those days when my life is over without him, all I prayed for is his happiness.
If he is happier that way... ...
If another could give him more than I do... ...
Even I knew he is in wrong. I should hate him and erase him away from my memory...
I can't do it.
All I did was to keep a secret vow.
"To love him forever. Bury our love and engrave his name in my heart."
Never to fall in love again.
That was how much I can love.
Everyone around me thought I was strong and young.
I will get over it soon and move on.
It was the toughest days of my life.
I can have my lunch with my colleagues and suddenly cry a tear and wipe it away before anyone notices.
Those were the days...
Until I found out that all was a frame.
I feel more guilty.
I feel more of a shit.
I've wronged the guy whom I lived together for two years and dated for three.
And now, I've broken a trust for him.
That has caused him to be phobia of me.
I'm ultra super sensitive.
When we try to alter things between us, to build back our love. Re-furbish a new love.
A new to-be-beginning...
The whole process takes time and a lot of effort.
And two person full of love... and willingness...
Are we ready for it?
To take the vow of the lifetime and a promise of eternity.
5:53:00 PM